Thursday, March 22, 2012

Is it Winter? Is it Spring?

It seems like the weather in Utah can't decide whether to stay warm or cold! I'm hoping for warm! I would like to thank the ladies that have really come through for Mothers of Angels lately and have sent me boxes of supplies. I get them from all over the country! Please let me assure you that your generosity is realized and I am so grateful for you. I am coming up on the would be 25th birthday of my son Zachary. It is hard to believe that he has been gone for 9 1/2 years! It seems like yesterday! I have to be honest and say that I thought it would feel better by now, but no. It still hurts so much! I have come to the conclusion that the missing him is what hurts the most. Also wondering what he would be doing and who he might have been. I do understand that it was his time to go home, but somehow, there are times that even knowing that it doesn't make a difference. I am such a different person now then I was before Zach passed away. There have been so many young people who have passed away in the last few months! Everytime I see an obituary of a child or young adult or hear of one passing away, my heart hurts so much for their mother. The pain of losing a child is so physical...much more than I ever could have imaginined. Yet, through the pain, I see a silver lining. I have been blessed to meet so many wonderful people that share this journey with me who are now kindred spirits. I count my blessings regularly because I do have so many to count!!! My son Levi is leaving on an LDS mission on April 18. He has been called to Tallahassee Florida. I can't think about the fact that I won't see him for 2 years or I would really lose it. I just try to focus on the good that he will be doing and how his life will change for the better. I have wonderful children who are growing up and making responsible decisions. I also have 2 adorable granddaughters who bring me so much jjoy! Life would be dull without them!!! They love me unconditionally and for that, I am grateful! I also will have a new grandbaby to celebrate right at the time that Zach left this earth. To me, this is a miracle! I have found that if I keep an attitude of gratitude, my life is much richer and fuller. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me in my cause to make a difference in other peoples lives. I couldn't ask for more.

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