Thursday, March 22, 2012

Jealous of the Angels

This is a song a friend sent me that has deep meaning for anyone who has lost somebody.

Is it Winter? Is it Spring?

It seems like the weather in Utah can't decide whether to stay warm or cold! I'm hoping for warm! I would like to thank the ladies that have really come through for Mothers of Angels lately and have sent me boxes of supplies. I get them from all over the country! Please let me assure you that your generosity is realized and I am so grateful for you. I am coming up on the would be 25th birthday of my son Zachary. It is hard to believe that he has been gone for 9 1/2 years! It seems like yesterday! I have to be honest and say that I thought it would feel better by now, but no. It still hurts so much! I have come to the conclusion that the missing him is what hurts the most. Also wondering what he would be doing and who he might have been. I do understand that it was his time to go home, but somehow, there are times that even knowing that it doesn't make a difference. I am such a different person now then I was before Zach passed away. There have been so many young people who have passed away in the last few months! Everytime I see an obituary of a child or young adult or hear of one passing away, my heart hurts so much for their mother. The pain of losing a child is so physical...much more than I ever could have imaginined. Yet, through the pain, I see a silver lining. I have been blessed to meet so many wonderful people that share this journey with me who are now kindred spirits. I count my blessings regularly because I do have so many to count!!! My son Levi is leaving on an LDS mission on April 18. He has been called to Tallahassee Florida. I can't think about the fact that I won't see him for 2 years or I would really lose it. I just try to focus on the good that he will be doing and how his life will change for the better. I have wonderful children who are growing up and making responsible decisions. I also have 2 adorable granddaughters who bring me so much jjoy! Life would be dull without them!!! They love me unconditionally and for that, I am grateful! I also will have a new grandbaby to celebrate right at the time that Zach left this earth. To me, this is a miracle! I have found that if I keep an attitude of gratitude, my life is much richer and fuller. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me in my cause to make a difference in other peoples lives. I couldn't ask for more.